Day 17: Inspiration from Lizanne

I woke up this morning and started the day out by looking at Lizanne's current travel blog. What a lovely inspiring post. It is so amazing to be on the other end now -- here at home observing someone else out there in the world breathing in all that the universe has to offer. It is such a reminder! When we were traveling we were so hyper aware of our environment, taking in all the little morsels around us throughout our days.
Here is Lizanne"s blog link for those who do not have it:
http://lizannearoundafrica.blogspot.com/

I loved the part where Lizanne spoke about arriving in the mountain village and had eight hours to pass by with little to do. The simple act of slowing down and being present is such a good practice. When we were traveling, I sometimes would wake up really early (especially in Asia) -- at sunrise and go walking about with my camera taking in the sights. I loved the morning light and would watch people begin their daily routines. That act of being an outsider looking in is very rich when one is traveling. This current blip in my life is definitely giving me lots of time to look at my life from the outside.
Alright, enough reflection for one day. The sun beckons...

Day 16: It's cold out there!

We woke up this morning to a very cold morning in Victoria. It was -6 C and there has been a wicked wind blowing all weekend making it feel that much colder. The nice thing about this weather is that we are also experiencing clear blue skies and lots of sun shine. I will always favour the cold days with sunny skies over the endless gray rain we were having a little while back.
This also marks the beginning of week four for me. Ten treatments to go -- Almost there!
Kai was having a really tough time last night knowing I was leaving again today for Vancouver. I made a real effort this weekend to do things with the kids -- at times pushing my fatigue a little far. We moved the basketball hoop onto the street for a flatter playing surface and had some really good games. We were playing "roller blade basket ball" -- a unique game played only here in Oak Bay behind the tweed curtain. I think the fun factor on the weekend might have added to Kai feeling a little more sad than usual last night. He even came down into our bed last night for a good cozy cuddle. I am so lucky that at age 11 he still does this once in a while. I miss having those little kids that were on my lap 24-7. They really do grow up far to quickly.
Well, I am off to catch a ferry...

Day 15: Gratitude

What a remarkable year 2009 has been for me. For one thing I have worked a total of two and a half months for the entire year. For many people that could have been a not so positive experience but for me it has been a gift. One the one hand, I got to spend eight solid months with my kids and darling wife on a trip of a lifetime that provided enough newness and freshness for years to come. On the other hand, all this time has provided me with an amazing amount of opportunities for reflection and introspection. I have had endless hours to examine my life and to slow down enough to smell the roses and attempt to be in the present. It is unfortunate that those things tend to slip away in our regular busy lives but the truth is they often do. Simple acts like lapping up the sun, enjoying an occasional sunset or walking with real attention to one's surroundings can all be very fulfilling in a very fundamental way. Not to mention eating a gelato and paying attention to the intricacies of all the wonderful flavours . . . God I am becoming such a flake!
No seriously, I have been so lucky to have this year with so much time to enjoy my family and appreciate all the beauty in this world. In many ways the travel really left me feeling more positive about the world. Sitting at home and only having the media as a lens on the world, tends to skew it after awhile. Our traveling experiences put us in contact with so many lovely people all wanting the same basic good things in their lives and for their families. The timing could not have been better because at times it is hard not to feel like it is all going to shit when one focuses on what is fed to us.
So there you have it -- more gratitude! I should have just made this a gratitude blog. Funny how when the carpet gets pulled from under my one's feet it leads to feeling lots of appreciation for all the good in one's life . . .

Day 14: Good Intentions

It is kind of ironic that I am doing more self-care for myself now, than I normally do when I am in full health. In my normal busy life I just do not seem to prioritize the self-care that I am focusing on now so that I can recover.
Why is that? I have always admired certain friends I have (Lizanne, Cam and Zane, for example) who diligently set time aside every day to do something for themselves. I seem to be one of those people who always has the best of intentions -- but I am poor at follow through. I would have to say that this has been a struggle for my entire adult life.
Of course, whenever I do go through periods of routine daily walking, cycling, stretching or yoga I feel so much better for it. The endorphins kick in and I realize that I "should" be doing this all the time. The best part about self care is that it relieves stress and it has the effect of filling one's cup. So logical but just not that easy for me. I honestly don't know why I talk myself out of it. It really takes no more than 45 minutes a day and it gives me energy and simply makes me feel better. Gosh this is sounding a lot like a New Year's resolution -- and it is barely December.
I just did a 30 minute Yoga routine this morning with Cam called "The Quickie" -- With a name like that how can it be anything but good! I know yoga is very trendy but the thing I like so much about it is that it encourages you to use your body in ways that most of us stop doing as we age. It literally stretches one's range of motion and encourages one to maximize the degree to which one flexes one's spine and joints. So many other kinds of exercise tend to involve limited motion for ones body (but does provide the cardio-vascular release). Yoga is the perfect complement for those types of exercises that involve repeated repetitive motion. So, for all those Yoga skeptics out there who think it is just a trend -- give it a try. You will be amazed at how much more limber you feel.

Day 13: Hump Day - Oh yeah!

It is official. I am now on the descent from the mountain I have been climbing. Today is humpday and it feels really good!
People keep asking me: How are you feeling?
The truth is that radiation appears to affect people very differently. As I reflect back my first week of treatment it was an intensely emotional one, with the whole build up to treatment and the experience of becoming a patient. I now think it is hard to separate the radiation from my emotional reaction to the situation for those first few days.
Now that I am in my third week I am calmer about the whole experience and so I think I am dealing more with the actual radiation side effects. I actually think I am doing remarkably well. The main thing that I experience is fatigue and a need to rest quite a lot. There are some days where I almost feel completely normal and then others where I feel the need to get lots of horizontal time.

Ironically, I think it is Skye who has the harder end of the deal here. She has to carry all the usual demands of her life and then deal with my exit on top of it all. Skye's life without this health wrinkle of mine involves coping with a new job that is very demanding, working on her studies in the evenings and weekends (her special education diploma) and then dealing with the emotional needs of the kids at this very delicate time. Thank goodness Bay is in the mix to keep the ship running in the right direction.
Meanwhile, I get to rest when I want, sleep endless hours, read, watch mindless TV, go on walks, visit with friends and generally take care of myself. So for all you well meaning people out there give Skye some well deserved attention and support. I am doing very well on this whole journey.
There is my sermon for the day! Until tomorrow...

Day 12: Too few plates in the air

It is amazing to me how I can be two entirely different people depending on the context of the life I am leading. Normally in my very busy life I am constantly juggling a whole bunch of plates in the air. Between my home routines, the kids needs and work -- I keep a very tight schedule, doing constant maintenance to ensure my life looks like I want it to look. The net result is that I become the king of efficiency, doing all my tasks with good quality in mind.
The flip side is when I have little to do, I become completely incapable of accomplishing anything particularly well. That seems to be the space I am in right now. Time flies by with astonishing speed and I seem to be accomplishing very little.
Everyday it seems like I blink my eyes and it is already midday and its time to make my journey to the clinic to get my treatment. Somewhere in there I manage to do a little email, do a little yoga, eat some cereal -- and before I know it the day its gone. It is so bad that at times I wonder if I m a little altered by this whole experience.
At the beginning of this journey, I had all the best intentions to do some reading or maybe even get creative with a project -- but it just is not happening! I think there is something to be said for a full busy life, with lots on one's plate. Part of it is that I am not in my home environment. At least if I was there I could do some spring cleaning, rake some leaves, water some plants, bug Skye for sex etc, etc.... Maybe not though. It could simply be that when I have more time I waste it on frivolous things.
Yikes, I guess I will definitley have to avoid ever retiring. Maybe I am a bit of a workaholic at heart? Or maybe I am just extremely hyperactive in my regular lifestyle and this is clashing with my current need to rest. Maybe that is why I feel so rattled by this whole "treatment" experience. Gosh maybe more yoga is in order .... Help!

Day 11: The weight of departure

Just like the end of the week is filled with elation and excitement for the time to be had with the family, the flip side is the weight of departure after the weekend. I know this all sounds a little melodramatic, but when kids miss you they let you know!
Monday mornings are a little heart wrenching for me right now. Long sweet goodbyes from Kai and Pippin make me feel special and very loved. This will be a good week in that Wednesday is already hump-day for all the treatments. I will be exactly half way and instead of climbing the mountain, I will be on the descent.

I have been working extra hard at trying to avoid all the dreaded germs out there right now. The combination of being in peak flu season and my slightly lowered immune system has meant that I have had to be quite vigilant about hand washing and cautious about where I put my hands in public spaces. Yesterday I felt like I was coming down with something and so resorted to some "Oil of Oregano" -- it seemed to nip it in the bud nicely. One of the concerns is that when I wear the mask for treatments, my mouth is biting down on a fitted piece and so the only breathing I can do is my nose. If I get congested, it will make the treatments very difficult. I really want to get through the next five weeks with no interruptions.
Well that is about as exciting as my process is this morning. I have a ferry to catch and need to be on my way.
Until later...