Day 9: White coat black art

Sometimes when I am at the Cancer Agency getting treatment I look around thinking how it all looks so modern and sophisticated but then I wonder: how would I look back at this same picture 50 years from now? It seems to me that even the 80's and 90's are beginning to have a dated quality about them. We tend to do things in the present believing that it is so cutting edge and that we are lucky to have all these modern amenities at our disposal. Then again' if one looks a little closer (much like the ape in the space suit), maybe we are still in our infancy with many of these scientific inventions. Maybe the premises that this science is built upon is false.
The white coats worn by medical staff in the hospital are intended to give an aura of expertise and clinical precision. I often feel, however, a little like people are fumbling around me, still working things out. It is as if I am the lab rat on which they get to try out these fancy mind zapping machines.
This whole thing is a brave adventure on my behalf. In order for the radiation to do its work properly and create genetic damage to the tumor, it also inevitable is traveling through lots of healthy tissue. The radiation specialist told me the other day that in order to ensure that they get all of the tumor, they need to cast a slightly wider net and inevitably some of the healthy surrounding tissue will be subjected to the treatments. I will be curious to see if there are some unintended side effects in years to come...
It is interesting how something that is basically so damaging to human anatomy is also a tool for getting rid of unwanted things in the body. What a mind fuck!
I have been feeling relatively good this week. Fatigue is the main constant I am experiencing. After about one and a half hours of being out and about I tend to be fried and need some horizontal time. So that is what I have been doing... lots and lots of rest... Almost too much!
Love and hugs to all of you.