Day 24: My Penultimate Zap

It is amazing to me how time flashes by. Just the other day I had this enormous mountain to climb -- and here I am down to my last two treatments. People around me have been so kind and are constantly checking in to see how I am feeling and doing. The truth is I feel really good. Happy to have this experience behind me and thankful for this time of reflection. All said and done it is still the same old me -- other than being a little radioactively stimulated.
What a mysterious existence this thing called life is turning out to be. I am getting a much better understanding of what people meant when they said that the older one gets the more bewildering and crazy it all seems. Here we are functioning as minuscule specks in the universe yet having the burden of trying to make sense of it all. The only thing that feels right is that age old cliche called love but even that has inevitable pain associated with it. I love and care so deeply for my children, friends and family but at the end of it all I know we disappear one by one into the vortex called death. What absolute craziness!
It probably comes as no surprise that this little growth in my brain has sent me into a significant existential quandry. Who are we? What are we doing here? Why? Why? Why do we need to go through this simultaneously beautiful and also painful existence. The truth is I don't think I will ever really understand. It is really more just about accepting our complete lack of control. This coming from a complete and total control freak... I have my work cut out for me.
Right about now I really understand your 40's decade Yogesh. I deeply respect you quest for greater depth in your life at that time. There is so much more to strive for in this existence. Thanks for choosing what was obviously a harder path and modeling that for us as children. Despite the criticism that has been directed to you throughout the years, I think it took a lot of courage for you to put yourself out there and explore all those unknowns. Am I opening a can of worms here? Actually I don't really give a shit! Life it too short!
So here is me sending lots of love to all of you wonderful people in my life. I am a lucky man.