Yes, yes, yes... I am happy to say I can move on after today back to the regular rhythms of my life. No more melodramatic blog entries to pass my days. No more morning soaps. No more mindless thrifting for hours on end. No more endless commuting between Victoria and Vancouver. No more traffic jams. No more 12 hour sleeps. No more endless chats about miraculous cures, cancers, tumors and dying. Instead it will be a time to be back with my lovely clan complete with all the daily mundane domestic responsibilities of a dad. I look forward to the simplicity of having my life back. The kids will no longer be looking at me wondering when this is going to end. Most importantly, I can return to being just the Ronato I am known to be -- rather than the one with the tumor. It will be a matter of waiting now for those wondering when I will find out if the radiation has been successful. Six months from now, the doctor will do a comparative MRI and then they will be able to see how the tumor has responded. The outcome is expected to be very positive. There it is . . . There will be no more "tumor" blogging from here on in. Just occasional whimsical mindless chatter.... I am off to my last appointment. Happy holidays all...
It is amazing to me how time flashes by. Just the other day I had this enormous mountain to climb -- and here I am down to my last two treatments. People around me have been so kind and are constantly checking in to see how I am feeling and doing. The truth is I feel really good. Happy to have this experience behind me and thankful for this time of reflection. All said and done it is still the same old me -- other than being a little radioactively stimulated. What a mysterious existence this thing called life is turning out to be. I am getting a much better understanding of what people meant when they said that the older one gets the more bewildering and crazy it all seems. Here we are functioning as minuscule specks in the universe yet having the burden of trying to make sense of it all. The only thing that feels right is that age old cliche called love but even that has inevitable pain associated with it. I love and care so deeply for my children, friends and family but at the end of it all I know we disappear one by one into the vortex called death. What absolute craziness! It probably comes as no surprise that this little growth in my brain has sent me into a significant existential quandry. Who are we? What are we doing here? Why? Why? Why do we need to go through this simultaneously beautiful and also painful existence. The truth is I don't think I will ever really understand. It is really more just about accepting our complete lack of control. This coming from a complete and total control freak... I have my work cut out for me. Right about now I really understand your 40's decade Yogesh. I deeply respect you quest for greater depth in your life at that time. There is so much more to strive for in this existence. Thanks for choosing what was obviously a harder path and modeling that for us as children. Despite the criticism that has been directed to you throughout the years, I think it took a lot of courage for you to put yourself out there and explore all those unknowns. Am I opening a can of worms here? Actually I don't really give a shit! Life it too short! So here is me sending lots of love to all of you wonderful people in my life. I am a lucky man.
Cam and I watched an interesting movie last night called "Enlighten Up" about a film maker who has been doing Yoga for years and has been struggling to commit to it to the point that it might become transformational. She then finds a person who has never done any Yoga and follows him around for close to a year while he tries out all forms of Yoga in settings throughout North America and India. The film maker wants to see if Yoga has a transformational affect on the man. There are parts to the film that were a little superficial but then there were some really good moments particularly the ones shot in India. It left me thinking about a few things. For one thing it reaffirmed my love affair and fascination with India. It is a place I definitely want to return to in the coming years. Cam and I have a decided that for our 50th birthday (in a mere 6 years from now) we will be making a trip to India together. All good things happen with intention and a little bit of planning. The film also got me thinking about my tumor. A few years ago Lizanne passed on a book to Skye and I called "When your body says no". The book basically highlighted the connection between a person's cognition and health. Specifically the role stress plays in a person's health outlook. Over the last few months many people have been all to happy to give advice and to share their thoughts about what might lead a person into a particular health dilemma. Of course there are all the environmental factors (which I think are not to be minimized) but then there is the cumulative life experiences we have and our reaction to those events and how that plays out a particular psychology in one's life. What I do know is that when I do certain things in my life that acknowledge key aspects of who I am then it has a dramatic influence on how I feel and how I relate to the world. In a very broad sense, for me that involves knowing myself and exercising things that I am good at in a creative manner. I am very visual and love the feelings associated with creativity. At different times in my life I have paid real attention to that and it has made me fell really good. How this plays out in terms of me moving forward and influencing my body away from self-destructive tumors is a mystery to me. I do know that there are many ways to age. Occasionally I am confronted by an older person who has a deep level of being at peace with themselves. It is incredibly attractive to see a person in the late years of their life seeming to feel like they are happy with the choices they have made and that they are not living in a state of internal turmoil. I want to be like that. Is it a tall order but hey why not strive for the good things. It all begins with some basic intention.
During the last month I have had to be creative with my time while I've been here in Vancouver. In addition to all my excessive resting and relaxing I have made an effort to get out quite often on little errands. The lead up to Xmas has meant that I have had to do a little shopping for significant others. I have also spent a fair whack of time exploring Vancouver's many thrift stores. I have always enjoyed the process of looking for treasures in and amongst piles of junk. ..... And holy moly there is a mountain of junk out there! It is actually a very good past time to get involved in just before the gluttony of Xmas sets in. By spending time in the thrift stores, one really sees the sheer quantity of stuff that exists in our world and how it all lands up needing to go somewhere some day. On the one hand it appeals to my very thrifty "cheap" nature (as Skye would say,) and on another level it simply grosses me out. Seeing all the junk makes me feel sad for our planet. It is amazing to me how we are part of this economic system that depends so heavily on continuous growth so that people endlessly consume new things to keep the engines of production roaring. After awhile it is like the planet is drowning in stuff that quickly lands up on the trash pile in seemingly shorter and shorter cycles. It is like we are on a train that is driving faster and faster, eating up resources at an alarming rate for all this cheap junk that nobody really wants. The cheapness and the ridiculously poor quality of the stuff being produced is actually the worst part of it. It just ensures that people replace things sooner than they might have done in the past guaranteeing the retailers more and more sales. The cost of it all is an increasingly trashed planet... The worst part of it all is -- I am on the same train adding to the problem by participating in this charade we call Xmas. It is a terrible cycle! I feel like a bah-humbug if I abstain, and I feel gross when I participate . . . I can't seem to make sense of it all.
Well here we go. It is week five on this journey and I am feeling quite good all said and done. I am really looking forward to the holiday time ahead with the family -- especially because we will all be off together. It will be a time to regroup a little after my stint away and Skye will hopefully get some rest after holding down the fort for the last month with Bay and the kids. John arrives this week as well so it will feel complete to have us all together under one roof enjoying our usual Xmas holiday together. It has been an especially good year for us as an extended family (with our European stint and our Kootenay time). We will have lots to reminisce over as we dig into the wine, baking, good cheeses and all the seasonal food that often mark the end of the year.
I am really going to miss Cam, Cristina and the kids on this side of the water. After living with them for the last four weeks I have become attached to them and I feel like I am one of the family. Spending extended times with their little ones (Luca and Anna) has made me realize how much our own kids have changed, matured and aged over the last few years. Skye and I have really left the little kid phase of our parenting journey. Little ones have such enthusiasm and soooo much energy. I already miss that stage of life in my kids. I should have had a gargantuan brood. What do you say Skye? Maybe in another life...
Today I had one of the nurses take some pictures to give people a clearer idea of what the radiation procedure looks like. I am a very visual person and I thought this would be an essential entry to the blog. These pictures will make my experience a little more concrete for those of you who are far away.
The weekend is upon us again and I have completed four out of five of my weeks. Not bad considering this was feeling like a long stretch ahead not that long ago. I am anticipating a fairly festive weekend on a number of fronts. For one there is snow on the horizon due to very cold snap of weather we have been experiencing. I don't like it from the point of view of making it to the ferry to get to Victoria, but I have to admit that it feels appropriate given the looming Xmas holidays. Tomorrow morning we are slated to go pick up our Xmas tree and so a big portion of the weekend will be dedicated to making the house festive. The kids love the tree decorating. It makes for some good tradition in our home where we put on some good seasonal music and everyone makes the tree look festive. There are also all the other end of year Christmas events. Kai has a Xmas school dance today for which he is very pumped. He is getting dressed up for the formal occasion. I would love to be a fly on the wall and see how he manages in a "dance" setting. Lots of titillation I am sure! It is time for us to start our holiday baking in earnest as well. As we say in our household "butter makes the world better"! Apparently Pippin was already part of a friend's cookie making event this week where half of their creations were delivered to a homeless shelter. She told me the other half were gobbled up. No surprise she felt really gross after that. Then on Saturday night Skye and I are going to a colleague's house for a little bit of holiday cheer. Add it all up, and throw in piano and swimming lessons and it feels like it is going to be plenty busy. Somewhere in there I will need to find some time to rest. I imagine the same busyness might be permeating the lives of others out there as well. Good luck with it all. Until Monday ....
Last night I had the pleasure of going out and visiting with my very good male friends, Cam and Craig. Of course, the intelligent thing to do would have been to rest and sleep early but the "right" thing to do was to go get some good male bonding. The evening involved some good philosophical chats, an incredibly cathartic steam bath (at Craig's house) and lots of good late night snacking over good conversations about our favourite topic: sex! Funny how when you put together good male friends it seems like that becomes the inevitable conversation of choice. We are all still teenagers at our core. Skye will be shocked and disappointed (because I am supposed to be healing over here with long restful sleeps) but Cam and I finally rolled into bed at 2h30 in the morning. Yes it was late and maybe not the most sensible thing to do for a person undergoing radiation treatments but it was thoroughly satisfying. It was the right thing to do! I woke up feeling connected and fed by my male brothers. Funny how catharsis comes in so many different shapes and forms.
This time has been a real reminder for me how great it is to be connected with such amazing friends. Skye and I have developed a very special bond with a group of friends over the years and it is wonderful how those bonds have continued to develop over time. Thanks all you beautiful friends! You all make my life so much more enjoyable and meaningful. Now it is time for me to get out of my underwear and into some clothing for the day. It is lunch time already. Am I a teenager or what?
I spent the night wrestling with my sheets last night. I am not really sure why. It is so hit and miss with how I am feeling lately. One would think that consistency could be a reasonable expectation for how I should feel with these treatments. At times I go through my days feeling like this is not even real. The radiation must be a hoax (a placebo). Then there are other times when it feels all too real. Last night was one of those moments. I just couldn't settle into a good sleep and I couldn't find a natural end point to my night. I had the most bizarre dreams all night leaving me feeling like I was running a marathon. I finally got out of bed at noon feeling completely disoriented and out of it. I am really feeling ready to get my life back. Consistency is what I am looking forward to again: in my routines, in my environment and most importantly in how I am feeling physically. The radiation is definitely making my system work overtime to repair it self. I am just looking for some evenness in my days. Bring it on!
I woke up this morning and started the day out by looking at Lizanne's current travel blog. What a lovely inspiring post. It is so amazing to be on the other end now -- here at home observing someone else out there in the world breathing in all that the universe has to offer. It is such a reminder! When we were traveling we were so hyper aware of our environment, taking in all the little morsels around us throughout our days. Here is Lizanne"s blog link for those who do not have it: http://lizannearoundafrica.blogspot.com/
I loved the part where Lizanne spoke about arriving in the mountain village and had eight hours to pass by with little to do. The simple act of slowing down and being present is such a good practice. When we were traveling, I sometimes would wake up really early (especially in Asia) -- at sunrise and go walking about with my camera taking in the sights. I loved the morning light and would watch people begin their daily routines. That act of being an outsider looking in is very rich when one is traveling. This current blip in my life is definitely giving me lots of time to look at my life from the outside. Alright, enough reflection for one day. The sun beckons...
We woke up this morning to a very cold morning in Victoria. It was -6 C and there has been a wicked wind blowing all weekend making it feel that much colder. The nice thing about this weather is that we are also experiencing clear blue skies and lots of sun shine. I will always favour the cold days with sunny skies over the endless gray rain we were having a little while back. This also marks the beginning of week four for me. Ten treatments to go -- Almost there! Kai was having a really tough time last night knowing I was leaving again today for Vancouver. I made a real effort this weekend to do things with the kids -- at times pushing my fatigue a little far. We moved the basketball hoop onto the street for a flatter playing surface and had some really good games. We were playing "roller blade basket ball" -- a unique game played only here in Oak Bay behind the tweed curtain. I think the fun factor on the weekend might have added to Kai feeling a little more sad than usual last night. He even came down into our bed last night for a good cozy cuddle. I am so lucky that at age 11 he still does this once in a while. I miss having those little kids that were on my lap 24-7. They really do grow up far to quickly. Well, I am off to catch a ferry...
What a remarkable year 2009 has been for me. For one thing I have worked a total of two and a half months for the entire year. For many people that could have been a not so positive experience but for me it has been a gift. One the one hand, I got to spend eight solid months with my kids and darling wife on a trip of a lifetime that provided enough newness and freshness for years to come. On the other hand, all this time has provided me with an amazing amount of opportunities for reflection and introspection. I have had endless hours to examine my life and to slow down enough to smell the roses and attempt to be in the present. It is unfortunate that those things tend to slip away in our regular busy lives but the truth is they often do. Simple acts like lapping up the sun, enjoying an occasional sunset or walking with real attention to one's surroundings can all be very fulfilling in a very fundamental way. Not to mention eating a gelato and paying attention to the intricacies of all the wonderful flavours . . . God I am becoming such a flake! No seriously, I have been so lucky to have this year with so much time to enjoy my family and appreciate all the beauty in this world. In many ways the travel really left me feeling more positive about the world. Sitting at home and only having the media as a lens on the world, tends to skew it after awhile. Our traveling experiences put us in contact with so many lovely people all wanting the same basic good things in their lives and for their families. The timing could not have been better because at times it is hard not to feel like it is all going to shit when one focuses on what is fed to us. So there you have it -- more gratitude! I should have just made this a gratitude blog. Funny how when the carpet gets pulled from under my one's feet it leads to feeling lots of appreciation for all the good in one's life . . .
It is kind of ironic that I am doing more self-care for myself now, than I normally do when I am in full health. In my normal busy life I just do not seem to prioritize the self-care that I am focusing on now so that I can recover. Why is that? I have always admired certain friends I have (Lizanne, Cam and Zane, for example) who diligently set time aside every day to do something for themselves. I seem to be one of those people who always has the best of intentions -- but I am poor at follow through. I would have to say that this has been a struggle for my entire adult life. Of course, whenever I do go through periods of routine daily walking, cycling, stretching or yoga I feel so much better for it. The endorphins kick in and I realize that I "should" be doing this all the time. The best part about self care is that it relieves stress and it has the effect of filling one's cup. So logical but just not that easy for me. I honestly don't know why I talk myself out of it. It really takes no more than 45 minutes a day and it gives me energy and simply makes me feel better. Gosh this is sounding a lot like a New Year's resolution -- and it is barely December. I just did a 30 minute Yoga routine this morning with Cam called "The Quickie" -- With a name like that how can it be anything but good! I know yoga is very trendy but the thing I like so much about it is that it encourages you to use your body in ways that most of us stop doing as we age. It literally stretches one's range of motion and encourages one to maximize the degree to which one flexes one's spine and joints. So many other kinds of exercise tend to involve limited motion for ones body (but does provide the cardio-vascular release). Yoga is the perfect complement for those types of exercises that involve repeated repetitive motion. So, for all those Yoga skeptics out there who think it is just a trend -- give it a try. You will be amazed at how much more limber you feel.
It is official. I am now on the descent from the mountain I have been climbing. Today is humpday and it feels really good! People keep asking me: How are you feeling? The truth is that radiation appears to affect people very differently. As I reflect back my first week of treatment it was an intensely emotional one, with the whole build up to treatment and the experience of becoming a patient. I now think it is hard to separate the radiation from my emotional reaction to the situation for those first few days. Now that I am in my third week I am calmer about the whole experience and so I think I am dealing more with the actual radiation side effects. I actually think I am doing remarkably well. The main thing that I experience is fatigue and a need to rest quite a lot. There are some days where I almost feel completely normal and then others where I feel the need to get lots of horizontal time.
Ironically, I think it is Skye who has the harder end of the deal here. She has to carry all the usual demands of her life and then deal with my exit on top of it all. Skye's life without this health wrinkle of mine involves coping with a new job that is very demanding, working on her studies in the evenings and weekends (her special education diploma) and then dealing with the emotional needs of the kids at this very delicate time. Thank goodness Bay is in the mix to keep the ship running in the right direction. Meanwhile, I get to rest when I want, sleep endless hours, read, watch mindless TV, go on walks, visit with friends and generally take care of myself. So for all you well meaning people out there give Skye some well deserved attention and support. I am doing very well on this whole journey. There is my sermon for the day! Until tomorrow...
It is amazing to me how I can be two entirely different people depending on the context of the life I am leading. Normally in my very busy life I am constantly juggling a whole bunch of plates in the air. Between my home routines, the kids needs and work -- I keep a very tight schedule, doing constant maintenance to ensure my life looks like I want it to look. The net result is that I become the king of efficiency, doing all my tasks with good quality in mind. The flip side is when I have little to do, I become completely incapable of accomplishing anything particularly well. That seems to be the space I am in right now. Time flies by with astonishing speed and I seem to be accomplishing very little. Everyday it seems like I blink my eyes and it is already midday and its time to make my journey to the clinic to get my treatment. Somewhere in there I manage to do a little email, do a little yoga, eat some cereal -- and before I know it the day its gone. It is so bad that at times I wonder if I m a little altered by this whole experience. At the beginning of this journey, I had all the best intentions to do some reading or maybe even get creative with a project -- but it just is not happening! I think there is something to be said for a full busy life, with lots on one's plate. Part of it is that I am not in my home environment. At least if I was there I could do some spring cleaning, rake some leaves, water some plants, bug Skye for sex etc, etc.... Maybe not though. It could simply be that when I have more time I waste it on frivolous things. Yikes, I guess I will definitley have to avoid ever retiring. Maybe I am a bit of a workaholic at heart? Or maybe I am just extremely hyperactive in my regular lifestyle and this is clashing with my current need to rest. Maybe that is why I feel so rattled by this whole "treatment" experience. Gosh maybe more yoga is in order .... Help!
Just like the end of the week is filled with elation and excitement for the time to be had with the family, the flip side is the weight of departure after the weekend. I know this all sounds a little melodramatic, but when kids miss you they let you know! Monday mornings are a little heart wrenching for me right now. Long sweet goodbyes from Kai and Pippin make me feel special and very loved. This will be a good week in that Wednesday is already hump-day for all the treatments. I will be exactly half way and instead of climbing the mountain, I will be on the descent.
I have been working extra hard at trying to avoid all the dreaded germs out there right now. The combination of being in peak flu season and my slightly lowered immune system has meant that I have had to be quite vigilant about hand washing and cautious about where I put my hands in public spaces. Yesterday I felt like I was coming down with something and so resorted to some "Oil of Oregano" -- it seemed to nip it in the bud nicely. One of the concerns is that when I wear the mask for treatments, my mouth is biting down on a fitted piece and so the only breathing I can do is my nose. If I get congested, it will make the treatments very difficult. I really want to get through the next five weeks with no interruptions. Well that is about as exciting as my process is this morning. I have a ferry to catch and need to be on my way. Until later...
Last night I was about to go to sleep when Yogesh sent me a You-Tube clip that was the perfect recipe for the end of my week. Lets just say the piece made for some infectious laughter. Thanks for that Yogesh -- up until yesterday it has been raining here solidly and I was beginning to forget what the sun looked like. So it was great I went to bed with a smile AND surprise: I got to wake up to a stunning crisp blue sky day with lots of sun. What a gift! Of course Friday is also good in that I get a break from the treatments and head home to my loving family on the Island.
Sometimes when I am at the Cancer Agency getting treatment I look around thinking how it all looks so modern and sophisticated but then I wonder: how would I look back at this same picture 50 years from now? It seems to me that even the 80's and 90's are beginning to have a dated quality about them. We tend to do things in the present believing that it is so cutting edge and that we are lucky to have all these modern amenities at our disposal. Then again' if one looks a little closer (much like the ape in the space suit), maybe we are still in our infancy with many of these scientific inventions. Maybe the premises that this science is built upon is false. The white coats worn by medical staff in the hospital are intended to give an aura of expertise and clinical precision. I often feel, however, a little like people are fumbling around me, still working things out. It is as if I am the lab rat on which they get to try out these fancy mind zapping machines. This whole thing is a brave adventure on my behalf. In order for the radiation to do its work properly and create genetic damage to the tumor, it also inevitable is traveling through lots of healthy tissue. The radiation specialist told me the other day that in order to ensure that they get all of the tumor, they need to cast a slightly wider net and inevitably some of the healthy surrounding tissue will be subjected to the treatments. I will be curious to see if there are some unintended side effects in years to come... It is interesting how something that is basically so damaging to human anatomy is also a tool for getting rid of unwanted things in the body. What a mind fuck! I have been feeling relatively good this week. Fatigue is the main constant I am experiencing. After about one and a half hours of being out and about I tend to be fried and need some horizontal time. So that is what I have been doing... lots and lots of rest... Almost too much! Love and hugs to all of you.
Continuing with my conversation from the other day -- there is some pretty compelling evidence out there about cell phone use and dangers to our health.
This last summer, Dr. Ronald B. Herberman, director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute, issued an unprecedented warning to his faculty and staff suggesting that they limit cell phone use because of the possible risk of cancer. Herberman’s memo was sent to about 3,000 faculty and staff saying that children in particular should use cell phones only for emergencies because their brains are still developing. He also suggested that adults should keep the phone away from the head and use the speakerphone or a wireless headset. He even warned against using cell phones in public places like a bus because it exposes others to the phone’s electromagnetic fields.
Health Effects of Electromagnetic Radiation The following is an interview by freelance reporter Michael Fosburg with Dr. George Carlo, Chairman of the Science and Public Policy Institute, a non-profit public health group based in Washington, D.C. Dr. Carlo is recognized as one of the world’s top experts on the health effects of electromagnetic radiation. He is the co-author, with Martin Schram, of Cell Phones: Invisible Hazards in the Wireless Age and was the chief scientist of the world’s largest research effort into wireless safety.
MF: Dr. Carlo, what is the Science and Public Policy Institute, and what role does it play regarding the dangers of cell phones?
GC: We opened the institute in the early 1990s as a forum to address public health issues where there was a clash between science and politics. Over the years, we have studied controversial problems ranging from silicone breast implants, to hazardous waste sites and, more recently, mobile phone health risks. In 2002, we established the Safe Wireless Initiative project, initially to continue research into mobile phone dangers and, more specifically, to monitor health problems among cell phone users.
MF: Is the Safe Wireless Initiative program still in operation?
GC: Yes. In fact, we now have more than 6,000 members and we’re growing every week. Our main focus is to provide information to consumers about the cell phone safety problem and helpful solutions to that problem. Our health concerns registry is the only post-market surveillance program in the world tracking health problems among cell phone users.
MF: Shouldn’t the government or the cell phone industry be doing that tracking?
GC: Yes, they should. But while the mobile phone industry and government regulatory agencies continue to maintain that there is no evidence of increased disease among cell phone users, neither are monitoring these consumers for disease. No one is looking for problems or even counting, so how would they ever know if problems exist? Based on the $28 million research program I oversaw in the 1990’s-research funded by the industry and overseen by a formal government interagency working group-we recommended that surveillance of phone users be put in place as far back as 1998. But absolutely no consumer protection steps have been taken. I find that inexcusable.
MF: How can the government be so silent with so much publicity about cell phone dangers over the years?
GC: The cell phone industry has effectively changed the focus from public safety to politics, and they have used political pressure to keep the lid on the issue. The watch dogs in government are not barking, and that has left the consumer unprotected. The Food and Drug Administration has inexplicably walked away from putting any regulatory control on cell phone companies. The Environment Protection Agency had its radiofrequency radiation budget cut to the point where they are no longer involved in the issue. Because of the flow of dollars associated with wireless communications, the Federal Communications Commission has openly become a financial partner with the industry in deploying the technology. In effect, mobile phone health risks are not regulated in the U.S. Consumers are unknowingly on their own in terms of protection. The Safe Wireless Initiative provides consumers with a safety avenue.
MF: Here is a simple question that I have always wanted to ask. How do cell phones actually work?
GC: The cell phone is really a radio that sends information signals on waves to a base station sometimes several miles away. To cover the distance, the signal is pushed by a burst of power which is the source of the radiation we are most concerned with. The farther the base station, the more power needed to carry the signal; the more power, the more radiation generated-and the greater the danger. Thus, the power bars on your phone give you an indication of how much radiation you are being exposed to during a call-the fewer number of bars, the greater amount of radiation.
MF: With that being the case, can I protect myself by making calls shorter to reduce the radiation?
GC: Not necessarily. The length of your call, or even the number of calls you make for that matter, are not as important in terms of the radiation as where you are when you make the call relative to the base station. For example, there is no way to know whether ten one-minute calls are better or worse than one ten-minute call in terms of health risk. That makes it difficult because there are no easy behavior changes that solve the problem.
MF: What does the radiation from a cell phone do to us?
GC: First, we are concerned about dangers from two different types of radiation associated with cell phones: the near-field radiation plume and a more subtle far-field contribution. The near-field plume penetrates your body about six inches from the center of the phone’s antenna. If it’s against your head, it penetrates your brain. If it’s on your waist, it penetrates the important blood-forming flat bones of your hips. This plume is like a “bull in a china closet” and it overtakes all of your body’s natural defenses against this type of exposure. We know now that this near-field plume leads to tissue dysfunction such as leakage in the protective blood brain barrier and genetic damage, including interference with DNA repair. These biological effects lead to conditions ranging from brain tumors to learning difficulties in children.
MF: What about other type of radiation that you mentioned, the far-field?
GC: This field produces subtle effects for most people, but the effects are insidious and accumulate over time. Background levels of electromagnetic radiation have increased dramatically over the past decade, and cell phones are now a major contributor to that background load. The mechanism leading to the danger is interference with the human biofield-the sum total of the energies generated as part of our metabolism. Our biofield is a major determinant of overall health and wellness. The increasing level of environmental electromagnetic radiation competes with our own energies and produces a general compromise of our physiologic processes. Over time, this deterioration can lead to a host of symptoms ranging from hyperactivity and attention deficit behavior to lowered immune response. Some people are extremely sensitive to this type of radiation, and electrosensitivity prevalence is now on the rise around the world. This is a problem that will continue to worsen over time.
MF: So, overall, where do we stand today with all of this?
GC: After two decades of science, we know that serious health risks are associated with radiation emitted by mobile phones and other wireless devices. We are particularly concerned about brain cancer, other tumors of the brain, eye cancer, genetic damage, brain ailments, as well as behavioral and learning problems. Children have become the main focus of our Safe Wireless Initiative because they being using mobile telephones very early in life, and they are showing unprecedented infatuation with the devices resulting in excessive usage. All this while their growing tissues and organs are more susceptible to the type of damage that we have seen in the research. Consider that published epidemiological studies of adult cell phone users indicate that usage in the neighborhood of 500 minutes per month over about ten years leads to a doubling in brain cancer risk. A study we conducted last year in Buffalo, New York, showed average teenage usage in the neighborhood of 2,600 minutes per month-more than five times greater than the adults in the studies showing increased cancer risk. What will happen to these young people after a life-time of use? No one knows exactly, but the predictions based on today’s data are dire.
MF: If this is such a big problem, how come everyone isn’t talking about it?
GC: The big problem is that the telecommunications industry has not only failed to heed intervention recommendations that would make the products safer, but has purposefully, and effectively, sought to shape public perceptions about dangers by controlling both the media and the output of the worldwide scientific research agenda. In some cases, the mobile telephone industry has circulated false information to the news media about research findings. Furthermore, the industry has actively sought partners such as the Disney Corporation to facilitate sales to children, openly identifying the 8 to 12 year-old age group as a “target market,” called the “tweeners”. Thus, the “need” for the cell phone is established very early in life, and it becomes almost an addiction. This is scarily similar to addictive nicotine added to cigarettes. This type of open disregard for the safety of consumers, especially young people, is grotesque.
MF: But shouldn’t the government be protecting consumers from this danger?
GC: Yes, they should. but while some governments around the world have taken steps to protect citizens and consumers, the actions have been slow and minimal because of the resistance movement mounted by the industry. In the United States, nothing has been done for protection whatsoever. If you follow the money, the reasons become clear. In both the United States and Europe, billions of dollars are being collected by governments who sell the telecommunications spectrum to the private sector. Revenues collected from spectrum auctions in the late 1990s and continuing tax revenues from consumer usage have put governments in a compromised position: they have a vested economic interest in the continued financial success the wireless industry. Strong regulatory control to protect consumers is arguably counter to government political and financial interests.
MF: So, what works?
GC: The most effective primary preventive are the hands-free headsets that effectively move the near-field radiation plume away from the body, thus significantly reducing exposure. I personally use an air-tube headset-fully wired headsets an act as an antenna, attracting ambient far-field radiation toward the head. The air tube lowers that risk. Phones equipped with speakerphones accomplish the same primary protection, as long as the phone is kept more than six to eight inches away from the body when being used. There is a noise field technology, developed jointly by scientists in the U.S. military and the private sector, that may soon be available to consumers that effectively eliminates first stage biological effects triggered by both near-field and far-field radiation. There are also secondary preventives that compensate for biofield interference from general sources of electromagnetic radiation. These are available as after-market accessories that can be attached to the phones themselves. Finally, consumers should remember that any steps they take to improve their health will help them fight the effects of those exposures.
I have just been having a conversation with my dear friend Cam about how good work can be for us humans. It can often have the role in our lives of giving us lots of strokes. That certainly is the case for me with my work. Working in a high school is an intensely social experience. Everyday there are 1200 students in the building and a significant amount of adults in supporting roles. Then there are the parents with whom I also have a large amount of daily contact. All said and done, the role I play at work becomes a significant part of my identity and really gives me a strong sense of belonging. In addition to the security the "role" provides to me, I also get lots of regular strokes from kids, teachers and parents -- all very good for my ego! Of course in the immediate sense that "safe" little bit of structure has been taken away from me and I have been left feeling like I am a leaf floating in the wind. Truth be told, we humans are all always floating out there in the ether but we get very sophisticated at holding onto various constructs to add meaning to our lives. It really isn't until it is taken away that one realizes how much of ones identity is tied to "what one does". Being out of the loop like I am now (and was to some degree with 8 months of traveling) brings up lots of existential questions. I just don't feel as solid as I normally do in terms of knowing who I am. Gosh, maybe, just maybe . . . life is all just one big random experience -- with the only real meaning being the meaning we choose to attach to it. Actually I think these wobbly moments are good for me. It prepares me for some inevitable times that lie in all our collective futures. Said simply, loss will come to us all in time because we are all mortal. Hiding from those truths, might just make the experience harder when it comes. I do not mean to be a downer -- I just have lots of time on my hands to contemplate my navel right now.. The rain keeps pouring here on the West Coast. The mountains have lovely sprinkles of white on their slopes. Until tomorrow...
Here we go again. After a weekend of blissful recharging with the kids, Skye and Bay at home it is Monday and I am back again in Vancouver. Treatment time was at 4pm this afternoon so I was able to amble a little at home in the morning, taking the kids to school and hanging out with Bay while packing. It was good to maximize my weekend time before getting geared up for more radiation treatments.
On one of my blogs last week I spoke a little about all the advice that my condition has tended to elicit from some people when they found out about it. While on the ferry today, I was thinking about other types of conversations that have flowed out of this health situation I am in. One conversation that has been quick to develop over the last many months is the question of what may have caused my tumor. This is an especially compelling conversation given that I am quite young and that I have always lived a relatively healthy life style. Of course, we will never likely know but I do of course have my own crank opinions. Popular causal suggestions from people have included things like ingestation of aspartame ( a known neurotoxin), the use of cell/cordless phones, radiation towers, stress and the connection between our emotions and our health, ect, ect... Realistically it is probably multi-causal given that we live in a world of increasing complexity with huge arrays of pollutants coming from every arena of our environment. I must admit, after following a lot of media stories about health concerns with cordless phones, I have considered that it may have been a significant contributing factor. It is definitely the case that we have used one for a long time and I have always favoured my left ear (the affected side) when using the phone. After following some very compelling reports about why cordless phones are a bad idea, we have eliminated them from our lives and gone back to the old corded phone varieties. Supposedly cell phones and wireless contraptions carry similar health concerns -- so the question is where does one stop with the elimination of these pollutants? We will see.... There is so much convenience associated with so many of these tools we use. That said, maybe we will look back on a lot of this technology we use in years to come like we look back now on tobacco. Time will tell. It is getting late and I must get my rejuvenating sleep... Until tomorrow. Good night!
I had another long and very deep sleep last night. Bay put it beautifully when I spoke with her on the phone this morning: she said that sleep is my "body's repair kit". Of course this is the case! Everyday the radiation gets in there and causes some intentional havoc and then my body responds to the situation during my sleeping hours. This probably explains why I have been averaging 11 to 12 hours sleeps this last week. I feel quite light today, in anticipation of heading back to my lovely home on the island. In fact I am feeling very good this morning. Almost normal... It will be good to go home this evening to be with the family and to see Bay who arrived on Monday from the Kootenays (after I had already left). There have been some tough evenings saying good night to the kids on the phone (or skype) where they have been quite sad. I think the good thing about going home will be that they will realize I am just fine and that everything will return to normal in a few weeks from now. There are a lot of unknowns for them right now because of all the heavy terminology that has been thrown around. Words like tumor and cancer (as in clinic) are very loaded and can install unnecessary fears for them. I look the same, act the same and it is still me -- all of that will be good for them to see. My wonderful friends, Cam and Cristina have been absolute gold for me here in Vancouver. It is good to have lots of history with friends in a situation like this. We have known each other for almost 18 years and I feel likes I can really relax around them. If I come home and need to rest, then so be it -- I do not have to explain myself to them. They have been incredibly nurturing and kind to me. I am lucky to have such good people in my life. Until next week...
It probably comes as no surprise to many of you who know me well that I am a wee bit of a control freak. That said, I am a firm believer that self-awareness is 90% of the battle and I have made significant efforts to not permanently damage my children or my dear wife with my attempts to control the environment in which we live. After all, if you know something about yourself then you can affect some change... Right? So why am I telling you this? Well... this whole treatment experience has been one big exercise in learning to further "let go". I feel like I have been plucked out of my regular life in Victoria and here I am twiddling my thumbs in Vancouver away from my sweet family. The truth is -- I hate being away from my children. Yet I know That this will be good practice for me because they will eventually leave the nest anyway and I will have to be a person beyond the realm of just being a parent. The other advantage of being away is that I can just focus on myself and I can indulge my need to sleep and rest without the day to day responsibilities of being in my own home.
So I will continue to just let go and let this experience happen to me. No amount of resistance will change the fact that this is what I have to do right now. I chose the picture above because it kind of represents that idea of "having stuff done on me" -- specifically my head. It is a strange experience going to that radiation ward everyday and getting into that fantastical high tech gear and then letting them zap me with those mysterious magical rays. There is a lot of faith required on my behalf in the expertise of others, especially knowing that those rays are as much damaging as they can potentially be helpful. Clearly I must let go control -- that's me we are talking about, the ultimate control freak! As I write this blog I realize that it is a tad self-absorbed. Somehow though, by externalizing my thoughts and feelings into text, it helps me make sense of the whole thing and I think it must be good for me at some level. It also gives me a creative outlet which is a good thing for a person with a lot of time on his hands. I woke up today feeling quite beaten up. It is almost like I went on a serious pub crawl last night and this morning I need to drink as much water as possible to flush out all the toxins from my system. The funny thing is that at other times in the day I can feel completely normal, like it is just another day. Until tomorrow...
Yes, yes, yes... I am happy to say I can move on after today back to the regular rhythms of my life. No more melodramatic blog entries to pass my days. No more morning soaps. No more mindless thrifting for hours on end. No more endless commuting between Victoria and Vancouver. No more traffic jams. No more 12 hour sleeps.
